Thirteen and a half months ago, the day before our 11th wedding anniversary, we had our first meeting with our adoption agency. We met at a little local restaurant halfway between here and Pittsburgh. I remember telling her our history and why we wanted to adopt. I remember laughing together and laying our hearts bare about our desire to be parents. I also remember how her face lit up when Lee mentioned my blog.
"You have a blog?" She almost bounced out of her seat.
"Well, yeah, kind of..."
"What do you blog about?"
"It's kind of a personal-walk blog about how God is growing and changing me, but it's still pretty new and empty. I'm not sure what I'll do with it."
"Will you blog your adoption journey? Expectant birthparents love blogs." *
Big smile* leaning forward in anticipation.
I could tell a "yes" would be well-received, but I wasn't sure how to answer. I hadn't really planned on sharing that journey here in detail, since it will ultimately involve others who may not appreciate being blogged. While anyone who's known me for more than an hour knows at least a little about our desire to parent and plan to adopt we're pretty private people. (I, for some reason, always feel the need to clarify that while we've been married more than a decade and don't have kids, we really do want them.) We don't post much to facebook, where we only friend people who are actually friends and family. It all just feels a little voyeuristic to us. "Hey, look at us, we're doing stuff! Don't you wish you were doing it, too?"
So, when I gave him that silent look with the raised eyebrows that says, "How would you feel about me blogging all this?" He shrugged and said, "She can write whatever she wants. I don't care."
I was a bit floored. You see, I'm the talker, the extrovert, the sharer. I'm the one who has random conversations in the cereal aisle of the grocery store with complete strangers. Lee is most decidedly the opposite of all that. So, the thought of sharing on a public blog something so close to our hearts, something we rarely allude to on facebook among friends scared me, so I couldn't imagine what made him say "go for it".
Which is why it's taken me over a year to finally write this post...my first about our adoption journey. I've decided to do this mostly for others who are starting this road and aren't sure what to expect, but also for our family and friends who want to know more about this adoption journey that so few of us travel.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We had our second of three homestudy meetings on Thursday. This was the in-home meeting and would involve a walk-thru tour of our home. I'd read blogs and received advice from other adoptive moms about this visit. I wasn't to worry about my house or clean every cupboard or reorganize the pantry. Now, I'm a bit of a perfectionist, and I have ADD, and I love to reorganize, so simple cleaning almost always involves at least one cupboard or drawer turned out on a table. But I commited to being cool about this and not worrying myself to death over an uberclean house. And God guaranteed that I'd keep that commitment.
On Monday, just 3 days before our in-home meeting with the walk-thru tour, I had my gallbladder removed. I spent the week before doing my best to finish the incomplete 1% of every project we've started in the 11 years we've lived in this house. (Lee handles mechanicals, I handle aesthetics) I didn't get to them all, but I also didn't reorganize cabinets or overhaul our living room so I'll call it a win.
Monday I went into the hospital.
Tuesday evening I came home.
Wednesday afternoon my best friend, Naomi, and her 2 wonderful boys blessed me with a clean bathroom and floors.
Thursday came and brought Lisa, our agency worker. The majority of her visit was questionnaires and interviews with us. You see, her job is to take 3 face-to-face meetings and a handful of questionnaires and put together a document that describes us, our home and our life. I do not envy her that job. I've known us for almost 15 years and would have a hard time doing all that.
When interviews were over, we gave her the "grand tour." I expected questions like, "where will you put a play pen?" and "do you have covers for your outlets?" Instead, her scrutiny of my house left me...underwhelmed. Her notes consisted of a list of the rooms we have "living room, dining room, kitchen, etc" with no comments regarding the new lithograph in the hall or the fact that the bathroom is sorely in need of a new coat of paint. She does think my kitchen, with mismatched cabinets and limited counterspace, is spacious, so maybe she just needs new glasses. ;o)
In all seriousness, though, it's a classic case of inflated expectations. Even though I was warned I still expected scrutiny and judgement and disappointment. You see, we don't live in a brand new house with all the amenities. 11 years ago we bought a starter home and stayed. We've made it newer in a lot of ways with new flooring, new paint, new bathroom fixtures, but when I look closely I still see that old house with little more than potential.
Before she left, Lisa asked about the funny little thing in the corner of my living room...my spinning wheel. I then proceeded to do a short spinning demonstration, drug her into my studio to show her my handspun and even pulled out the latest Woolgatherings Fiber Club installation that I plan to spin for baby things. (It's all bright pink/yellow/green and superwash BFL. So yummy!!) So, I guess she definitely met the "real" me. LOL
