five minute friday: the hard love

11 years ago today I married my best friend.  Our love has been easy.  2 weeks after we met we knew we'd be married.  2 years later, after my college graduation and his first "real, grown-up" job, we were.  And here we are 11 years later...in love as ever...but so different.

For us the difficulty hasn't been the love, it's been the dreams.  Sharing dreams and watching them shatter and having to pick them up and rework them again and again.  Watching God take our path and mold it to His desire...so much different from what we anticipated.

Yesterday we met with an adoption worker for the first time.  Then we came home and watched an Mtv show called 16 and pregnant where the agency played a part in the story.  It was heart wrenching.  And so beautiful.  These children made the choice of hard love that I never will.  At their tender age they were already making unselfish choices for their daughter's future.

Now, that's hard love.

5 minute friday...on saturday

The Gypsy Mama hosts this great weekly blog challenge called 5 Minute Friday where she throws a prompt out there and you write for 5 minutes.

Here's the description from her blog:

Got five minutes? Let’s write. Let’s write in shades of real and true and unscripted.

Let’s just write and not worry if it’s just right or not.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Go leave some comment props for the five minuter who linked up before you.

So, here goes:

If you met me...

GO

You might think I have it all together, but I don't.

I'd try to bring up my infertility so you'd know that I'm not childless by choice and how much I want to be a mom.

You'd likely think I talk too much.

I'd tell you about my crazy cats and my friends' kids in an attempt to find some common ground.

I'd either spout ceaselessly about a topic I'm passionate about (knitting, spinning, adoption, my husband) or I'd clam up, worried that you won't like me for who I am.

I'd laugh at your jokes and share some of mine...mostly learned from my dad.

I might engage your adorable children or ignore them.  Neither is a reflection on you...it's just a matter of what I feel I can handle at the time.

You'd never know how badly I want to go back and edit this post...and almost everything I say.

STOP

Yikes...5 minutes was never so short before.

what guys think about modesty

When I was a Bible College student I had a dear guy friend who was honest and brave enough to share with me much of what is said in this video.  I've never been one for revealing clothing, but, up until that day, it was more a matter of covering what I wasn't comfortable with than an act of protecting my brothers in Christ from unnecessary temptation.  Since then I've looked at every article of clothing I've purchased in a new light.  I hope you will, too.

another encouraging sunday service

I just love the hymns we sing in church...so much truth and encouragement in them.

Whate'er my God ordains is right;
His holy will abideth;
I will be still whate'er He doth;
And follow where He guideth;
He is my God; though dark my road,
He holds me that I shall not fall;
Wherefore to Him I leave it all.


Whate'er my God ordains is right;
He never will deceive me;
He leads me by the proper path;
I know He will not leave me.
I take, content, what He hath sent;
His hand can turn my griefs away,
And patiently I wait His day.


Whate'er my God ordains is right;
Though now this cup, in drinking,
May bitter seem to my faint heart,
I take it, all unshrinking.
My God is true; each morn anew
Sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart,
And pain and sorrow shall depart.


Whate'er my God ordains is right;
Here shall my stand be taken;
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
Yet I am not forsaken.
My Father's care is round me there;
He holds me that I shall not fall,
And so to Him I leave it all.

*sigh*  That song alone is a sermon I need to hear daily.

why God makes us wait

This post by Kelly at Generation Cedar...just...wow.

Read it.

Why God Makes us Wait

my one word

Have you heard of this phenomenon?  Rather than the traditional new year's resolution (e.g. lose weight, quit smoking, etc) which is also traditionally abandoned by spring, people are selecting one word to define their direction or focus for the year.  I first heard of it from Ann Voskamp and decided this year to do the same.

In January I gave my new year a cursory name of "gratitude" but didn't go much further.  After a bit of prayer, study and reflection, I've now refined that to "joy".  Joy encompasses gratitude but also has a broader and deeper meaning.  While nailing down the word "joy" and really defining it as my word for the year, I felt like a Bible college student again, pulling out my Strong's Concordance, Greek-English Interlinear Bible and Vine's Expository Dictionary to do a bit of a word study.  I sat with my laptop at my dining room table, blanket over my legs, a kitten snuggled at my feet (no kitten in the dorm, but a recommended addition :) ) with my bibles and reference books scattered across the table (somehow the internet just wasn't enough today) trying to define this one word for my year.  JOY

The world defines joy as a state of happiness or felicity.   Well, that's easy, as long as everything goes my way and nothing bad happens.  Or, I could just stick my head in the sand and pretend everything was great: walk around with a goofy smile on my face so everyone will think I'm joyful.  But joy goes deeper than happiness.  Happiness is a product of our circumstances, Joy is a reflection of our heart.

 James 1:2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, you can't get much more contrast with the world's view than that, huh?  In my life, when I think of a trial I think of something that has been very present in my life over the past ten years...infertility.  In April my husband and I will celebrate eleven blessed years together, alone.  I know I sound stark, and I'm trying not to wallow, truly, but a decade is a very long time to wait for something.

Now, according to James I should count all this 10 years of struggling a joy.  But why?  James 1:3-4 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

One verse I hear so often used in situations such as mine, when we as Christians can't see a reason for what God has ordained, is Romans 8:28.  It's quoted almost as a platitude: I don't get it but God will work it all out for your good.  What we forget is the following verses of context that define what this "good" is that God is working all things together for. 

Romans 8:28-30 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. ²⁹For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. ³⁰And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

You see, the good He's working in us is to conform us to the image of His Son.  And in verse 30 we see that He won't leave us half-done.  We are not some DIY project He gets bored with before moving on to another.  God always finishes what He starts. 

In our infertility journey, we've struggled together, and individually, through both dark times and times of faith, lasting anywhere from months to minutes, and are stronger, both separately in the Lord and within our marriage, for that struggling.  But we miss the point of the struggle if we're not learning through it to be more like Christ. 

And that's where the joy comes in.  This is not a case of making lemonade from lemons.  I'm not to be superficially happy with all the free time I have on my hands or the lack of diaper blow-outs or the solid nights of sleep.  Oh, no, I rejoice because I know that there's more to the situation than meets the eye.   I know that what looks like a lack, is actually a tool in my Father's hands to mold me more and more to the image of Christ.

And that is true joy.

Is there an area of your life where you need to look for the joy? 
Have you selected a one word resolution for your year?  Will you share it with us?

in His image

So God created man in his own image,
   in the image of God he created him;
   male and female he created them.
~ Genesis 1:27

The traditional interpretation of "in His own image" has been our place of authority over the plants, animals and earth the LORD created in the previous days, and I'm not arguing with that.  However, I think there may be a broader application here: God as creator.  When we create, especially when that creating is done in love for others, we reflect God's image as creator.  Whether you're a knitter, a baker, a scrapbooker or a decorator...you're a creator!

For me, creating immediately triggers thoughts of spinning yarn and knitting gifts for others or stamping and sending a birthday card.  But I also reflect God's image when I organize and beautify my home if I do these things in a spirit of service to Him and others.  If I complain while I begrudgingly clean my home and decorate using money that would be better spent elsewhere because I want my home to look like a magazine cover, then I am not doing these things in love.  I am only serving myself.  However, if I cheerfully clean my home and make the most of what I already have in new and creative ways, I not only bless my family, I serve my God.

How do you reflect God's image as a creator?